No Privacy
by miseradreamer
Summary: Vala gets dragged on a mission to the Jeffersonian and tries to make the best of it. Bones/Stargate SG-1 crossover. Brennan/Vala. Femslash


**A/N:** Please review, reviews make me want to write more. Less reviews less writing.

"I don't understand why I have to be here," Vala pouted, folding her arms across her chest as evidence of her disapproval.

"We need to examine the remains and determine that they are in fact, belonging to a Goa'uld that occupied the earth a few thousand years ago. The call said that they found a ribbon device wrapped around the right ulna and radius bones," Sam explained as a smile began to creep across her face. "It's actually very interesting that-"

"I didn't ask why you were here, I know why you're here, I asked why I was here," Vala interrupted, slumping down into the leather upholstery making up the back seat of the black SUV.

"You're here because Daniel's in Egypt, doing archaeologist things, and Landry didn't want you hanging 'round the base on your own," Cam called back from the driver's seat.

"What about muscles," Vala grumbled, "He didn't have to come."

"Teal'c is," Cam paused, choosing his words carefully, "Entertaining a woman."

Vala's head quickly popped through the two front seats, donning a wide grin. "Muscles has a girlfriend," she squeaked, unable to contain her excitement.

"Vala, sit back and put your seat belt on," Sam ordered, cursing under her breath for sounding like a mother.

"Yea," Cam added. "You're body could be used as a deadly weapon in an accident."

Sam rolled her eyes, "Cam, stop quoting commercials."

"What," Cam retaliated, "It's true."

Vala sat back dramatically, flinging her arms up in the air as if she was being forced to lie on a bed of nails. "Vala do this, Vala do that, you people are always ordering me around."

"What are you so upset about anyways," Cam questioned, looking at Vala through the rearview mirror. "You're always begging to get off the base."

Vala shrugged, "Not for work, especially boring work. Why are you even here?"

Cam looked over at Sam like he was expecting her to answer the question, but when she didn't he sighed. "Just incase."

"Incase what," Vala asked.

"Incase some shootin' needs to be done," Cam said, curtly.

"Yes, I'm sure there will need to be a lot of that done at some educational institute," Vala chuckled, grimly.

"The Jeffersonian," Sam corrected, softly.

"Whatever," Vala sighed.

"Just keep your mouth shut and no 'A' words," Cam warned.

"I can think of a good 'A' word," Vala grumbled under her breath.

"None of that," Cam repeated louder, pointing at her reflection in the mirror. "Remember, national security and everything is classified."

"Fine, I just won't talk," Vala shouted the threat at him.

Cam smiled and said, "That would be nice."

--

"Special Agent Seeley Booth with the FBI," the handsome man introduced himself, puffing out his chest and extending his arm.

"Colonel Cameron Mitchell of the United States Air Force," Cam replied, shaking the man's hand with a little more force than necessary. The agent smiled back at him competitively and then squeezed his hand tighter. There was so much testosterone in the room that Vala wondered if they were going to whip theirs out and measure right there.

She hung back and watched as Sam formally introduced herself to the doctor who replied back just as formally, as 'Doctor Temperance Brennan'. Ignoring the boring formalities and competitive conversations that were going on, Vala turned away from the scene. She took in her surroundings, which consisted of a large building that looked so shiny and sterile that she wanted to run her hands along everything and mess it all up. Papers were stacked neatly on tables and several people in lab coats were busying themselves all through the building. She looked back at Sam and Cam still chatting with the doctor and agent and heard Cam say loudly, "97.83 percent accuracy" and folded his arms in a 'beat that' stance.

Rolling her eyes she once again turned back to the room and stepped towards a short set of stairs leading up to a platform. She stopped just before the first step and turned to wink at the security guard standing beside it. He gave her a stoic look back, but when she flashed a smile he gave one back. Sensing this was an invitation, she hurriedly ran up the stairs, but suddenly froze when a loud alarm rang out and lights began to flash. She turned around to see her team members and the new duo swiftly dashing towards her and felt the security guard grab her by her arm and yank her down.

"Vala," Sam yelled, furiously.

"What did I tell you," Cam shouted after her.

Vala thought back to their conversation in the SUV as fast as possible and then replied, "Don't use the 'A' word."

Cam's eyes rolled up and then to the side as he remembered as well, then grunted and said, "I thought this one would be self explanatory."

"I didn't do anything," Vala shouted and then pointed at the security guard. "He told me I could go up there."

"That's highly improbable," the doctor, Brennan, answered.

"I said nothing, ma'am," the security guard said, lifting his hands in defense.

Vala shook her head under the harsh glare from Brennan and spoke up, "Well he didn't say anything, but-"

"Vala stop," Sam cut her off, holding a hand to her mouth incase she tried to continue, and then turned to Brennan. "I'm sorry, she's… She won't do it again."

"It's fine," Booth said, stepping in between Brennan and Vala, "We were going to take you up there now anyway."

"She could've contaminated my bones, Booth," Brennan exclaimed, pulling his arm back towards her, making him turn slightly.

He pulled his arm away gently and looked down at her, "It's fine, Bones. These are skilled professionals."

The two air force officers fidgeted as they looked at Vala, who was clearly not a professional in the work that would be performed, and hoped that the conversation would just be dropped and Vala would keep her mouth shut.

"You call her Bones," Vala giggled and her teammates glared back at her, not to mention a very unimpressed forensic anthropologist. Booth, however, grinned back at her and she knew she was going to like him.

"How about you just show us the remains," Sam interrupted quickly.

"Fine," Brennan replied, turning abruptly and swiping her card across the security system.

They all followed her on to the platform, with Sam and Mitchell ahead, while Vala grabbed Booth's arm and bounced along beside him. He didn't seem to mind, as he gave her a golden boy smile, which she translated as him wanting to have sex with her. She decided that before she made any assumptions again, she should probably wait until she knew for sure, but Vala wasn't very good at waiting.

"Do you want to have sex," Vala asked the man, quite loudly, and heard Brennan choke on a cough in front of them.

"Right now," Booth asked, uncomfortably.

"Well, I wasn't suggesting right here, right this second, but if you like having people watching," she smiled seductively, "I'm up for anything."

The Agent looked completely stunned and began to stumble over his words, before Cam grabbed her by her arm and pulled her to his side as they walked forward.

"I should've left you in the car," he growled into her ear.

"I believe it's called a Sports Utility Vehicle," Vala corrected with an all-knowing smile.

"Just shut up, Vala," he warned and then his tone changed to pleading, "please."

Vala did shut her mouth, consciously doing her best, as Brennan rambled on about bones using large words that she couldn't pronounce, never mind understand. She knocked over a tray of instruments once, as she was leaning over a table to look at something shiny more closely, and her teammates looked as if they were going to murder her. She had apologized nicely and cleaned it up, but Brennan was definitely not impressed. Not that Vala wanted her to be impressed.

After what seemed like hours, of boring conversation, Booth told them that they should see some objects they found that were being kept in storage and Brennan said she needed to finish some work in her office.

"There will be specialists there who can explain the objects with greater knowledge than I can," she said, and then brushed through the group and bumped Vala a little harshly as she left.

"Moody, isn't she," Vala grumbled, watching her as she moved to her office. Vala watched each stride, not purposely, but her eyes did fall on the doctor's behind and she watched it sway with each brisk step. She could feel her head tilting to the side as she watched, but couldn't do anything to stop it, until Booth finally snapped her out of it, by signaling their departure.

She followed behind them miserably, dragging her feet as she walked, but realized when they had hit the stairwell, that no one was paying any attention to her. She slipped away from them silently and headed back into the main room they had been in before. Looking up at the platform, she knew that she couldn't try going up there again if she didn't want to get caught. Instead she walked around the perimeter, looking for anything that may be interesting.

She disappointedly looked for anything to occupy her, but couldn't find interest in anything there. The people were also not quite what she was hoping for. She realized that it was a lot like the floor with all the labs at the SGC. Everyone was boring and talked with such big words that Vala didn't care for. She wondered why they couldn't just use the words that normal people used. About to give up hope, she spotted a large office and quietly poked her head in, so as not to be discovered. Sitting at her desk while typing on a laptop, Vala found the uptight anthropologist who didn't care for the heedless alien.

Vala turned away, about to walk past the office, when she suddenly felt the urge to unwrap the tightly woven doctor.

"Bones," Vala said loudly, as she strolled into the room.

Brennan jumped in her seat and then grit her teeth, "Don't call me that."

"Well then what would you like? Temperance? Brennan?" Vala asked collapsing onto the couch and lying back with her feet up.

"Doctor Brennan, please," she said, watching Vala take over her sofa. "Why aren't you with the rest of your group."

"Boring," Vala said with an exaggerated sigh, watching as Brennan shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Should I call security," Brennan threatened.

"That depends," Vala responded with a sly smile.

"On what," Brennan asked, drawn into Vala's quip.

"Whether there are any good looking men who will manhandle me," Vala replied, raising her eyebrows suggestively. "Or women."

"I'm calling security," Brennan said, picking up her phone.

"Wait," Vala said, leaping from the couch. "Don't be so boring, _Doctor_ Brennan."

Brennan stopped, but she didn't put the phone back in its cradle. "I have work to do, Miss-"

"Vala," she interrupted, leaning across Brennan's desk and propping herself up on her elbows. She gently took the phone from her hand and put it back in its place, while Brennan's eyes followed its course. Vala could see her jaw tighten, like she was getting ready to knock her out, but Vala didn't mind. If the doctor did take a swing at her, at least it would give her some excitement.

"Vala," Brennan said, and Vala learned that she loved the way her name rolled off Brennan's tongue, "I have work to do."

"So take a break," Vala grinned, pushing the laptop to the side. Brennan grabbed it from her and put it back into place.

"Can't you bother someone else," she said, clutching her laptop tightly with both hands.

"I could," Vala nodded, and then closed the laptop with one finger, "But unfortunately, the only person in this building that I would even consider having sex with is you."

"Excuse me," she questioned quietly and looked outside her office to see if anyone had overheard.

"Oh come on," Vala whispered, "I know things. There's this thing I can do with my tongue where I-"

"I'm legally obliged to tell you that I have studied martial arts," Brennan responded quickly, but unemotionally.

"Great," Vala beamed, "I like it rough too sometimes."

Leaving her previous spot on the desk, Vala crossed to the other side of it and slipped in between it and Brennan. She sat back onto it, hearing papers crumple as she sat on them and Brennan was on her feet in seconds.

"Stop," Brennan yelped, "You're ruining important documents."

She tried to reach behind the alien pest, to pull the papers out from under her, but Vala took the opportunity to grab her by the waist and bring her flush against her chest. Brennan froze stiffly, standing in between Vala's legs with her arms tightly against her chest with her palms back, afraid of touching the forward woman.

Vala figured that since she hadn't been kneed in the crotch or head butted yet, she was safe to assume that Brennan was not quite an unwilling party member. It also helped that the doctor's eyes were fixed on Vala's lips, as if waiting for her to continue. Vala didn't hesitate, knowing that if she said anything she ran the risk of being attacked by the doctor, and leaned in to take hold of Brennan's lips. Before she got there the woman whispered as her last line of defense, attempting to prove that she wasn't actually a willing participant, "This is completely irrational."

"Exactly," Vala breathed, as she closed the space between them. Vala's hands traveled from her hips to her backside, pulling her up against her and grinding their bodies together, as they kissed. Brennan's arms finally relaxed as the kiss deepened, and one palm rested on Vala's shoulder while the other was placed on her neck. Their tongues met somewhere in between their mouths and Vala swirled hers around Brennan's before pulling away from the kiss and biting the doctor's bottom lip. She tugged on it softly then released it and took pride in her work of making her lip tinged red and swollen. Brennan said nothing, but kept her eyes on Vala's, daring her to continue and Vala would never back down on a dare. Bending her head down, she kissed and nipped at the soft flesh on Brennan's neck, causing her to moan quietly. Vala smiled, with her lips still on her neck, and slid her hand from her backside to grasp the crotch of her pants. Brennan moaned louder and her fingernails dug, painfully, into Vala's skin.

"Sweety," a loud voice spoke from the doorway, causing Brennan to leap away from Vala's arms.

"Ange," Brennan exclaimed, but was too shocked to come up with a quick explanation.

"Your office walls are windows, remember," Ange smiled and gave her best friend a wink.

Brennan and Vala looked out her windows into the main room and saw a group of scientists standing around. When they saw that they had been spotted they quickly moved along. Brennan brought a hand up to cover her eyes, when the reality of what had just happened hit her, and Vala, as always, was amused by the events.

"Ange, let me explain," Brennan said, her cheeks turning bright red.

"Hey, I'm the last person to judge," Ange laughed and turned to leave the office, but not before she gave a hint to her friend, "Try the Egyptian Exhibit."

"Sounds interesting," Vala hummed, taking the woman back into her arms.

"Vala," Cam shouted from the door and Vala let out an audible groaned.

"Can't a girl have sex without being interrupted every five seconds," Vala yelled, causing Brennan even more embarrassment.

Brennan shook her head, "No, we weren't-"

"Bones," Booth questioned with an eyebrow raised.

"She jumped me," Brennan explained, pointing an accusing finger at the alien.

"I did not," Vala defended herself.

Sam shook her head, "Time to go, Vala."

"But we weren't finished," Vala pouted, slipping off of Brennan's desk.

"Oh yes you are," Cam said with finality and then continued in a lower voice, "It's going to be a long time before you get off the base again."

As Sam and Cam were dragging Vala out of the anthropologist's office, she heard the FBI agent say, "Nobody jumps you, Bones. You could've taken her easily."

Vala wanted to yell back a comment about 'jumping her bones', but Sam could see her mind working and firmly planted her hand upon Vala's mouth.

It didn't matter, Vala knew that Brennan would be back to see her and she was certain that she would be visiting her hotel room that night. She smiled as she felt the hard metal car keys pressing against her butt from inside her back pocket. She was sure that she'd be seeing the doctor that night and this time, they would have a lock on their door.


End file.
